The Clouds Fell Apart

I love the sound of rain. Tonight it began again and so I sit here listening to the swoosh of tires punctuating the stillness. In my mind I see a slate washed clean.  A new beginning. A fresh start. I want to hold on and find the same freedom in every moment of my life...a baby bird learning to fly as it tumbles out of the nest.

I wish the same for you. 

Wild Geese

 

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~ Mary Oliver ~

 

 

Weird Ways to Cheer Up

I have bad days. I've always had bad days. What? You too? Do you sometimes find yourself in a mid afternoon pit full of bad attitude and negative self talk? You DO?? What do you do to get yourself out of such a rut? I've been known to stay down there for days. Today was headed in that deep dark direction. Who am I kidding, I was sitting down there "hiding in my clothes" as Rob would say (this is when I wear a big hoodie and sweats and keep the hood on even indoors). Poor Rob finally convinced grinchy me to leave with him. He wanted vegan ice cream from our local little shop, Scoops, and by golly he was not going to be talked out of it. Grumbling and complaining the whole way, I was digging for quarters to feed the meter when Rob changed my life with these words "Hey, that's Weird Al". Yes folks, I confess I know most of the words to "Like a Surgeon" and "Yoda". I still quote the Movie "UHF" all the time. In other words, I love Weird Al and I was about to stand in line behind him and order my vegan treat with shaky hands trying not to stare. I wanted so badly to say something like "ohhhh, red snapper...very tasty!" but I'd tortured Rob enough for the day. So I just kept stealing glances until he left. Thank you Weird Al Yankovic for turning this girl's day around yet again. 

I have a few other weird ways to cheer myself up and as long as I'm confessing I might as well share!

~ I hang upside down off the edge of the bed or I warm up with some yoga and do a headstand. Turn that frown upside down, literally.

~ Go to Goodwill and search for the most interesting thing I can buy for under five dollars. Usually I leave with nothing but I've forgotten my troubles during the search.

~ Organize a closet/drawer/file/corner. Cleaning and organizing cheer me up. Don't judge.

~ Listen to an upbeat podcast like The Nerdist or The Ronna and Beverly Show.

~ I text or email a friend I haven't heard from in a few days to see how THEY are doing thereby taking my attention off of myself. 

~ I pin pictures of pretty places. It always gets me dreaming of adventure. 

~ Read inspiring blogs like The Wellness Warrior, The Angry Therapist, Mindful or Brooklyn to Mars.

Honestly, sometimes none of these things or anything else works and then I just try to have compassion for myself where I'm at until I can find my way out again. The worst thing I can do is berate myself for not being able to shake the depression. As my best friend, Jill, would say "It's okay to just feel your feelings". The last time I reached out to her as I often do during a rough patch, she very smartly told me to have good cry, take a bubble bath and make some tea. By the time I finished following her instructions, I felt better. 

What do YOU do to boost your mood?  Please share!  

Pod Club : It's Alive!

Just Jill and I will be listening to On Being : Alive Enough for our Pod Club this week. It's an extremely relevant topic for everyone in this technological playground we live in.  I have lots to say about the whole issue of living inside electronic devices...but I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll save that for my Friday Pod Club report. 

P.S.
If you live near a Trader Joes, please do yourself a favor and get some of their Candy Cane Green Tea. It's decaf so you can drink it all day long like I have been for the last few days. It's so good. 

Ponder This

Who's gonna ride your wild horses?

Pod Club: Dreaming of Extra Credit

I'm typing this as I listen to this week's Pod Club pick from the show Risk. It's not holding my attention as much as usual because I have too much going on inside my brain. The stories are comical personal experiences which can only be background entertainment for me today.  It doesn't help that two days ago I asked Jill if she felt like doing a little Pod Club "Extra Credit" with me by listening to another podcast from On Being. 

Okay, you know what? I just stopped the Risk episode with 20 minutes left to go. My head is not in the frame of mind to appreciate any more stories that involve bathrooms. Sorry Risk!

Wednesday morning I realized Brene Brown was a guest on one of my favorite podcasts, On Being.  I've watched her TED talks on vulnerability and shame before so I was excited to hear a longer conversation with her.  As the conversation unfolded, I found myself mentally highlighting every word out of her mouth to remember later.  Please take an hour to change your life by listening to this episode. I can't even begin to explain how insightful and brilliant Brene is. 

On Being : Brene Brown on Vulnerability

I've wasted so much of my life feeling as though I don't deserve to be happy. Ms. Brown defines this feeling that we aren't worthy of love and belonging as shame. In the last few months I've already started to see that my behavior, my productivity, my failures and accomplishments do not define who I am. While listening, I could feel some of the loose feelings and ideas in the back of my mind start to click into place with the glue of her words.   I don't want to give it all away, and I don't think I can properly explain what I feel so I'll give you a few of the things that really jumped out as applicable to my life and let you discover as you listen in your own time.

~ Shame is the feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging.

~ Love and belonging should be non-negotiable regardless of failures.

~ We tend to focus on the behavior rather than who we are.

~ Productivity does not equal self worth.

~ The shame trigger for creativity is comparison.

~ Wholehearted people show up in their lives every day without any guarantees.

~ Uncertainty, risk and fear of exposure lead to vulnerability.
~ Vulnerability leads to the courage to show up and be seen in our lives.

~ Our willingness to be brokenhearted is equal to our ability to be wholehearted beings.

~ Courage is born completely from vulnerability.

~ Hope is a function of struggle.

Pod Club is a weekly meeting of ears and the brains between those ears. Join Jill and myself every monday as we pick an episode for the week and meet back at the end of the week to post our thoughts. The lovely Leah at Soft Spiral always has beautiful things to say too. Join us by listening and thinking and possibly commenting on our blogs or posting on your own! 

Decking The Halls For Free

Snip Snip Snip (a holiday trader joes bag)

Glue Glue Glue (the strips into a chain)

Deck Deck Deck (the halls)

Don't Sell The Bike - Adjust The Seat

I almost sold my bike. My knees were bothering me and I often felt like the wicked witch of the west on it. Something about the way my body was a little hunched and how hard it was for me to peddle up hill always cued that theme music in my head. You're hearing it now aren't you... 

When Rob was gone the other week, I took his bike out every day to ride and felt so much better on the bigger frame.  We started tossing around the idea of selling my relatively new bike to find one that would be more comfortable for me now that I'm riding multiple times a week. Rob even went as far as asking bike shops what we could get for it and looking for more ideal bikes online.  

For the last few weeks I hadn't been out on my bike. My knees had let me know, not to kindly, that they needed a break. Today we wanted to get out after five days straight of rain so we got the bikes down and Rob had a brilliant idea. What if we raised my seat? Ya. Like magic I rode up those hills without pain and not once did I hear the wicked witch of the west theme music. Ten miles of bliss.

So it made me think. How many times do we give up on things we're going through? How often do we give up on people or projects or bikes because we keep approaching the situations the same way time after time? What if all we have to do is adjust the seat?

One small adjustment could change everything. 

It's worth a try before you sell the bike (or end the relationship,  quit the job, toss out that creative project,  hang up the phone,  give up on yourself...you get the idea).

Pod Club : Risk

Risk : Dreams

Don't look now, but it's Monday again. Yes it sort of snuck up on me too. This week's Pod Club choice is from the podcast Risk. We're going with an older episode titled "Dreams".   Join us won't you?  Take a chance on something new and different with Just Jill and me.

Some Assembly Required

pine cones I had in a cupboard

yarn scraps 

little hoops from my jewelry making supplies

my first xmas decorations

merry happy day

After Effects

I spent a ridiculous amount of time fiddling with this picture in a new favorite camera app on my phone. I saturated, focused, centered, dramatified, cropped, bordered and shaded until my eyes were happier with what they saw. The picture is of one of the only pretty spots I saw in Texas (sorry Texas I just didn't make it out of a few mile radius). The result is so much more exciting isn't it? 

Or is it...I wonder if we might be losing the ability to see the perfect beauty of life as it is. Simply the portrait the universe centers for us every day. Instead, we look at a sunset and imagine how it would look after a spin through Instagram. Maybe we're slowly setting our visual standards too high, not only for nature, but for people and for ourselves. 

Don't forget to see the exquisite perfectness that is you without any fancy adjustments. No makeup, no accessories or special lighting...just you. 

Just your life as it is.

Let's try not to change things so much all the time. Now that I look again, I think I find the original picture more appealing. It tells the truth.