Happy Yes Thank You

happy couple

happy sisters

happy just jill

happy henry

happy stacy and junie

happy hiker feet

Two Kinds of People

"There are two kinds of people. One kind, you can just tell by looking at them at what point they congealed into their final selves. It might be a very nice self, but you know you can expect no more surprises from it. Whereas, the other kind keep moving, changing... They are fluid. They keep moving forward and making new trysts with life, and the motion of it keeps them young. In my opinion, they are the only people who are still alive. You must be constantly on your guard against congealing."

- Gail Godwin

I'm sitting in the Burbank airport people watching. Well, technically I have to look down at my computer to type this, but you get the idea. My flight was delayed by an hour which gave me an immense amount of time to kill before even beginning my journey to Dallas. It's so fascinating to watch and listen to people in an airport. In situations like this, where we are all forced onto the same level playing field for a few minutes or hours, true colors shine. The quote above sums it up quite well. As I take stock of the masses of waiting travelers, I can see that clear difference between those who "go with the flow" and "roll with the punches" with panache versus the panic stricken who don't approve of life not going the way they planned. Which am I? I used to be an uptight, self assured, intense girl. I don't think she had much fun to be honest. Slowly but surely I'm melting into the flow and I feel younger and younger as this transformation takes place. With this fluidity comes the freedom to be curious about everything, to approach the world with the heart of a child. Maybe you don't want to feel this vulnerable, but I guarantee it's the best way to go on this ride.

Here I Go Again

I love seeing new places. If only I could get to those places by train. I do not enjoy airports one bit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid to fly at all. I just don't like the long lines, the crowds of cranky people and the hours that take days. My least favorite part is the security line strip tease. 

This morning finds me packed and ready to go to Dallas. Rob is there training to fly a new airplane. What? You heard me right, my husband is a pilot. A good therapist would see that some of my underlying distaste for air travel stems from the fact that it takes my love away from me regularly. I'll be with him for a week. Our Thanksgiving will be hotel style vegan in the city of cows. 

I've never been to Texas so this will be an adventure! 

Pod Club : Snap Judgement

Snap Judgment : Careful What You Wish For

Monday means it's Pod Club time! Snap Judgment is a new one to me, but Jill took a risk and suggested we give it a try. I told her that if it sucks, she singlehandedly ruins Thanksgiving. 

Pod Club is a weekly meeting of ears and the brains between those ears. We pick something delightful on Monday and report back by (about) Friday.  Just Jill and I cooked up this scheme and are slowly but surely bringing other ears on board...and what cute ears they are! So listen with us won't you? It's free and it's fun which is hard to find these days. All podcasts can be found on the linked websites or via iTunes. 

Some Sunday Inspiration

Some Sunday inspiration for you (yes you!)

Brain Pickings : Eleanor Roosevelt on Happiness

"But there is another basic requirement, and I can’t understand now how I forgot it at the time: that is the feeling that you are, in some way, useful. Usefulness, whatever form it may take, is the price we should pay for the air we breathe and the food we eat and the privilege of being alive. And it is its own reward, as well, for it is the beginning of happiness, just as self-pity and withdrawal from the battle are the beginning of misery."

The Angry Therapist : How Not to Hate People

"...people are not born assholes. They behave that way because of their story, what they’ve been through, what they’re lacking in tools, what they’re going through today, and what you trigger in them. Basically this means their behavior has less to do with you and more to do with them. What you are experiencing is them coping. That’s what being an asshole is, coping. It’s their desperate attempt to minimize their anxiety. They are pulling from a place of hurt or void. Know that."

The Wellness Warrior : 3 Things That Have Transformed My Life

"Self love is the foundation we need to lay down first, so that all of the other elements of a wellness plan stay in place. Without self love, everything crumbles and wellness isn’t sustainable."

The Minimalists : Need Want Like
"There is no silver bullet. It takes time for a flower to bloom. Every beautiful change takes time and action... And although big changes are often simple, they’re rarely easy. But then again, nothing worth doing was ever easy."

Pod Club : Homeless

I went on a quick walk to take a few pictures of what I see every day.

Hearing Voices : Homeless

This weeks podcast felt empty to me. It's hard to explain, but hearing these voices talk about homelessness and struggle were nothing compared to what I see every single day.  

Los Angeles has the highest rate of homelessness in America. This does not surprise me one bit. I have only to walk a block or two to encounter more than one person who clearly has no home and no hope. I don't even have to leave my apartment. If I just watch the sidewalk for a while I will undoubtedly see a slow moving brown and gray mass inch by. Looking closely, I can make out a shopping cart and a human form. It's so common here that I no longer even know how to feel about it. I can't save them all. I can't even save one of them. Once in a while I hand over change but do I believe it helps? Not really.  

The problem is so big I have a hard time seeing any solution. I know it stems from a multitude of root problems such as the deinstitutionalization back in the 60's. Mental illness, disability, lack of education, substance abuse...just a few of the problems running rampant in our country. So what do we do? 

Really, I'm asking! What do we do?? Maybe this city has worn me down. 

I'm hoping my co Pod Clubbers, Just Jill and Soft Spiral , have some inspiration for me. 

Pod Club is a weekly meeting of ears and the brains between those ears. We choose one on Monday and say one or two things about it on Friday on our blogs. Love to hear what you might think! One of these days I'll get a comment out of you anonymous readers out there. 

Don't Change, Just Grow

"In chaos, there is fertility"

Anais Nin

I used to think I needed to change myself to become a better person. This idea that the only way I would ever be happy was to transform in some way haunted me. Trying to change who I am led to a state of alienation from myself. Who was I and why didn't I like that girl? Would I like her better if she had blonde hair? Tried that, nope. Maybe if she listened to different music and read better books? Fun for a while, but still no luck. When external changes didn't work, I started to think of ways to really change who I was from the inside, but that led to more unhappiness. After a few false starts and stops, I've decided not to change. Instead I want to learn to love myself as I am every day. Was I grouchy today? Ok, that's fine I can have compassion for that grouch and love her anyway. Did I let someone I love down? I can forgive myself and move on. Did life throw me a major curveball that I not only failed to catch but that hit me in the head? I've learned that I'm not an athlete but I make a darn good cheerleader. I think I'm learning each day how to take what I'm given and use it as fertilizer for growth, not change. I think I'll stay the same Rachael i've always been. She can learn to relax into just being herself and growing into her life as it comes. 

What about you? Do you think you need to change? Do those thoughts help or harm? Is there a way you could stay who you are and grow in ways that make for a happier you? I'd love to know what you think. I'm just now getting a handle on this new way of thinking and would love some feedback. Let's support each other in growing our inner gardens not ripping them out! 

Have Your Own Back

My Back

I've gotten to the point in my life where I realize nobody is going to save me. It does no good to be a victim and expect to be bailed out by a friend, family member, therapist or spouse. Even if your spouse is a therapist or your family member is a friend, they aren't in this world to save you from yourself. I'm not saying it's not great and wonderful to have a helpful circle of people you can rely on for encouragement and support, what I believe is that you must take care of yourself first. I would guess that we all have our pity party moments of hoping someone will notice our problem and offer to make it all better. It's okay to feel that way sometimes, but it's even better to just get up and help yourself. If you do need extra help from a person you trust, go ahead and ask for help without expecting them to fix you. The amazing thing is that you have the innate ability to take care of yourself. Nobody else knows you like you do. We can be our own best friends and allies in times of trouble. Once in a while we have to look at our own faces in the mirror and say "Hey, don't worry I've got your back".  

Pod Club: Hearing Voices

Hearing Voices : Homeless

Pod Club this week is an episode about homelessness from the podcast "Hearing Voices". Take an hour this week for yourself. Put on those earbuds, go for a walk or get cozy in a big chair for an hour of listening pleasure. On Friday I'll post my thoughts as will Just Jill and Soft Spiral. We'd love to have more ears and voices in this weekly adventure. Maybe this is the week you feel like joining in? 

Pod Club : I'm Insane and so are You

Picture a windowless room. Open the single door and take a look inside.  Inside this room are things you wouldn't show anyone else, your secrets. A bottle full of habits sits in the corner. Nearby you'll find a small closed box with a rusty hinged top. Open it and you'll find bits and pieces of thoughts, the kind you never whisper to a soul. This room is one you only enter alone. You go there not because you want to, you need to. A hard day finds you sitting with the bottle or sifting through your box of thoughts. Oh, I forgot to mention the shelf. One single shelf, maybe two feet long and not very wide holds a book and a knife. The book is blank. There is no pen, but the knife works nicely. Once in a while you go into the room just to check that all these things are still there. Nobody knows about the room so it's unlikely anything would be missing, but you still wake at four a.m. and have to check again to be certain. You'll slowly unlock the door and turn on the small lamp, finger the knife and the flip through your book. Peek under the lid of your box and maybe take just a small sip from your bottle. Turning to leave you have a brief moment of terror...where is the key? Sigh as you find it deep in your pocket. Turn the light off, shut the door silently aside from the click of the lock. You'll never tell a soul. Surely they would think you were insane.

This week's Pod Club was an episode of Love + Radio called "Insane vs. Unsane".  What a fine piece of work it was! The stories perfectly intertwined. I was transported to the living room of a man in his mid 40's as I listened to him recount his current life situation and acknowledge flat out that he is insane, but "so are you". I walked the echoing halls of an empty insane asylum with a man who'd witnessed demon possession and cutting. Fascinated as I learned of a college boy stalked by a girl clearly in a world of her own creation. All of this led me to the same conclusion as our first narrator..I'm insane and so are you. All of us somewhere on the crazy scale. Maybe a ten, blatantly walking the street carrying on a three way conversation with yourself and yourself. Or you could be lower, a less obvious seven sitting in the waiting room tapping your toe exactly ten times before you turn the page of your magazine. Some folks aren't even aware of their insanity, twos or threes interacting with the world smoothly and "normally" only to go home at night to drink until they aren't scared anymore or distract themselves obsessively surfing the internet.  Once in a while you're a one. Then you get bored and start climbing the scale again...

Next week we'll choose another podcast for Pod Club and would love anyone with ears to join us! We post on Monday and report on Friday. Please comment on our blogs or post on your own. If you don't have a blog yet (ahem Stephanie) maybe this will give you a good reason to start. We'd love to have you join in the fun. 

My co-host of the Pod Club : Just Jill  (recently started xmas early)

Pod-Club member: Soft Spiral (recently had her blog taken over by a cat)