kaput

kaput = broken and useless. no longer working or effective. 

i used to feel an intense sense of responsibility to repair the broken hearts of people i love. i would lay awake at night trying to find the answer, a way to make it all better. my heart would hurt and sometimes break for them.  this does not help a broken heart.  reaching inside my chest and ripping my own heart out, throwing it on the floor so that it would crash into pieces next to their own pile of hurt never made anything better.  i'm starting to see things in a different way. i will never be able to solve someone else's issues. i can't make everything better. offering my shoulder to weep on and the knowledge that i will always be here to listen without judgement and without pulling out my toolbox...well it keeps my head above water so that at least one of us has a handle on things. i would like to be the ray of light, the hopeful voice. i can be the one who understands (because you better believe i've been there) but rather than laying down to die in the hole with you i could jump down and hold your hand and tell you the air outside feels so nice today. you don't have to come out to play just now but when you're ready i'll carry you out.