falling night

a sense of relief floods over me as the sun sets. i can't explain it so i won't even begin to try. a perfectly wonderful day can be coming to a close and i will still feel as though a small load is lifted once it's dark. on the harder days, this is hightened. living in a city like los angeles makes nightfall even more welcome. the garbage strewn sidewalks are hidden in shadow. traffic becomes an endless tail of twinkly lights. a city that in the harsh noon sun can look hard, fast, dirty and mean becomes magical and charming as happy hour comes to a close and the real parties begin. i'm not at those parties. but sitting in my little studio with the windows open to the clean air, i can finally breath in a way that was impossible until now.  i love sunshine. no, no i need it. but even after an incubator day... my heart slows and my mind stops spinning as i watch the stars come out.

what's in a name

name something and it no longer holds power over you. that's the lesson i first learned from Harry Potter. yes. yes i read HP. i also read the Huffington Post so i feel that it balances out. when Harry uses Voldemort's name out loud, he stripped it of fear.

i discovered last week that i have a mouse in my (subletted) house. i couldn't sleep all night after seeing it skitter across the floor. my bed is on the floor. the next day i just got mad about it. i referred to it as "that effing mouse" and suddenly he had a name. Effen.  almost immediately i wasn't afraid of him anymore. Effen and i have been happily cohabitating for a week now. 

other things in life go unspoken and maintain a hold with that unnamed fear. call it what it is. say it out loud to someone you trust. maybe not all at once, but slowly Voldemort will lose his hold. my dear friend reminded me this morning..."keep in mind, Harry defeated Voldemort in the end".

now where did i put my wand...

the plot

new city. new people. some of these people continue to shock me with just how shallow a human can be. these "hipsters" look as though they sit around discussing literature and philosophy and how to save the planet. so far i've only heard conversations that include words like "nipple" "celebrity" "party"... i heard a large portion of a conversation between a guy and a girl at wholefoods the other afternoon. he felt the need to use the phrase "my minor celebrity" and was obviously one of those people who would stay up all night talking just to hear themselves talk. he was trying to explain to his friend why a celebrity would cheat on their wife due to the fact that after so many days of women throwing themselves at him, he would just cave one day when his wife was being a bitch (or that's what it sounded like he was trying to say). there was a second conversation that was intertwined with this one all about a well known singer who was on the cover of a magazine with her nipple clearly visible even though she claims to be a role model. i have no idea how these two strings were held up at the same time in this conversation considering i'm pretty sure this pair would drown in a thimble of intelligence.

i know i know, i'm being judgy mcjudgerson...

but i do love the sunshine here!

if i were blind

if i were blind, i would always live in the city.  the country being too quiet. i’d have to strain to hear even the distant call of a bird, the croak of a frog. in the city i am harrassed by an overwhelming feast of noise day and night. i wake to the sound of cars being unarmed and revved for their commute. the honking begins. if honking were an art form, angelinos are all the picassos and rembrandts of sound. the buses whiz past on santa monica avenue. helicopters buzz overhead (chasing criminals or movie stars i’ll never know). the sounds almost escalate in the darkness of night. doors slamming, people laughing and shouting in their revelry, bums rummaging, music pounding...all discordant in the night.  the nighttime can seem the loudest. of course, that’s when i’m blind.

true story

scene one: (camera takes in storefront-zooms to interior. very eclectic thrift shop. clothes, homegoods, books. a few shoppers within)

girl one: so what do you think of me in an Audi?
girl two: o ya but what about the Prius?
girl one: ya i dont know about the Prius. i don't feel like a winner in the Prius.
girl two: ya you've got to feel like a winner in your car.
girl one: i know. like i don't even want to say this but...
girl two: o ya i know
girl one: ya like i didn't even want to drive my car to his house but i did and parked in front and seriously, the next morning when we came out he stopped, looked at my car and was all "you're car makes my house look bad".

grungy boy walks over and interrupts the girls saying hello to one of them as if they had seen each other last week.

girl one: o hey where have you been?
boy: o just out of town for like...five years.
girl one: oh man has it been that long? where were you?
boy: ya i just, like, was in portland and oakland and williamsburg. you know, the hipster areas.
girl one: o wow you should come hear me sing tonight at this club. it's called varnish.
boy: okay ya, here's my number
girl one: alright i'm texting you right now so you have my number too.
boy: cool okay ya

camera pans back out to storefront. takes in the dollar rack. the neighboring baskin robins. the garbage on the sidewalk. fades out.