A Bagful of Europe

I've fully embraced the minimalist lifestyle. I don't buy much and I get more joy out of getting rid of material goods than out of acquiring them.  My philosophy is that if I don't need it, I won't buy it (and I really don't need much). I used to shop as a hobby, to fill time or to fill a void. Now I only go to a store when I have a need that can only be met by making a purchase. 

Okay okay, I confess I'm prone to wander Goodwill. I'm not a perfect minimalist. 

Soon I'll be making a move that includes crossing an ocean. I don't want to take more than the absolute necessities when I go so I've already started the elimination process. The clothes I'll be taking fit into three drawers. I've designated where much of the household items are going and I've started the Craigslist posting.

Oh but those sentimental items. They sneak up on us don't they? We are just about to put that hat in the donate pile and it nearly screams out like the sorting hat in Harry Potter, "Wait not me! Your dad gave me to you last year for your birthday!". I've found it easier and easier to let go of material things even if they have a considerable amount of sentiment attached to them. I try to remember that the love and memories remain in my heart even if the item is gone. 

Until yesterday...

I tackled the photo albums and boxes. For the first few hours I was doing great. I threw out all the needless doubles I've been carting around for years and even trashed pictures I never wanted to look at in the first place! Why did I have two copies of a fuzzy picture with a finger taking up half the shot? My new plan is to own only the very best pictures and keep them all in one box, no heavy albums to lug around.  I was totally in a groove tossing and stacking and organizing. 

Until I opened the last box...

There it was. A Bagful of Europe. What is a Bagful of Europe? Oh it's a magical bag full of wrinkled maps, ticket stubs, journal entries, hotel soaps and other various bits and pieces picked up from a month spent traveling with my sister. I looked at that bag and knew I'd met my match. It almost laughed at me in all my minimalist cockiness. The gloves I'd worn during those cold days in Paris weren't worried for a second that they'd join the other winter items in the donation pile. I gently pulled out a few scraps of paper thinking surely I could eliminate something! I was wrong. 

And so I leave it at that. I met my match in a Bagful of Europe. It doesn't matter that the memories are all safe in my heart and I have pictures to prove my sister and I created four weeks of unforgettable adventure. I'll be giving away handmade gifts and saying goodbye to books I call friends, but the Bagful of Europe is exempt. 

Sometimes right when we think we've mastered a new life skill, the universe puts us to the test. Even the universe would have to give me a B+ on this one. 

Make a Wish the Sky is Falling

I gazed up from my computer screen at the dark night sky over Los Angeles.  My eyes were met with a glowing ball of fire falling in an arc and disappearing over the city. I was sitting here all alone and it was late. Although I tried to be brave and imagine it was just an average falling star, I couldn't stop the sense of fear that started to take over. My imagination went wild with end of the world scenarios since I'd been looking at the news about the meteor that hit Russia just a few days before. I texted a dear friend that I'd just seen the freakiest thing and that "The sky is falling". Her response? "Wish for a baby unicorn!"

I don't always want to jump to the worst case scenario and I doubt you do either. In any situation we can find a way to see it just as it is rather than blowing it out of proportion. We hold that power, nobody else does. 

Next time I see a fireball, I will make a wish before freaking out. 

I really want a baby unicorn.

I Wonder What Will Happen Today

I'm not usually one to jump out of bed with loads of energy and a sunny outlook in the morning. I tend to lay there for a while and consider the day ahead. This can lead to worry and anxiety before I even see the mess of hair and my pillow-creased face. I know that setting the mood and intention for my day is the most important thing. More important than coffee? Yes, even more than that. 

The new experiment is this: I say "I wonder what will happen today" with curiosity and openness. I say it to myself or to my husband if he's here (pilot = gone a lot).  Since he loves hearing positive words out of my mouth first thing instead of "grumble coffee hrmpfh morning", he's trying this experiment with me. 

Give it one week. See how your day goes when you begin with a sense of wonder rather than apprehension.  

What if it Rains?

- Pema Chodron

Me: "What if it rains?"  

Him: "Then we'll hike in the rain" 

I say this over and over to myself all the time now. He didn't know when he said those simple words that I would end up applying them to most of the difficult situations I run into day to day. The rain I was referencing was approaching Big Bear Lake last summer. We were about to leave to hike around that area for the afternoon and I wondered if maybe we shouldn't put it off for a day or two to make sure we'd have perfect hiking weather. He packed our rain jackets and we left. The clouds did roll through but I don't remember even getting sprinkled on. Our hike was stunning and I had almost talked myself out of going. And for what? 

I didn't want to get wet. I thought it would take the fun out of the experience. I was still clinging to my idea of perfect days hiking in the woods or by the ocean under wondrously blue,  crystal clear skies. Preferably the temperature would stay in the mid 70's and only a light cool breeze would waft over us every few minutes.   

That was a light bulb day for me. If I always wait for my idea of the perfect conditions to be met, life will pass me by. Since then I've hiked in the wind and the rain. I've slogged through mud and been baked by merciless rays of sun and you know what? Those are the days that I remember. The times I've had to deal with the unexpected and learn to go with the flow are highlighted in my mind. 

Now when I see rain in the forecast, I always hear an echo from last summer. 

What if it rains? 

Then I'll hike in the rain.

Heads or Tails

Would you let a computer program "coin toss" make a decision for you? I just did. The lovely and brave Jill asked earlier this week if anyone would join her in a little experiment being run by Freakonomics.  Before reading any further, if you want to participate on your own please go do that now. Then you can come back to see how my toss went.

First, I found it nearly impossible to pick a question! I was tempted to pick something silly or pointless, but then thought I'd rather put something out there that actually matters to me. So I chose to create my own question. I typed in the question and then almost made "yes" the choice for heads and for tails. This was the answer I needed before I even got to the coin toss. Instead, I put "yes" for heads and "not now" for tails. That way I didn't rule it out for the future, I would just take the pressure off doing it right away.  

Before I even flipped that coin after taking the brief questionnaire, I felt like I had already answered the question on my own. After having to rate my current happiness and the likelihood I would follow through with the coin's decision I didn't care as much what the result would be. I did care that I'd actually answered rather high on the happiness scale even though I'm going through an extra difficult patch right now. I cared that it didn't bother me to answer my age of 33 years old or that I'm married which is a word I used to sneer at a little bit.  Honest answers about my life didn't make me frustrated or depressed. I usually stay away from surveys because I leave them feeling strangely dissatisfied with my life. 

What does this mean for me? It means I'm learning to find happiness even on the more difficult days and not feeling like it's one or the other : happy or sad.  It means I don't worry as much about my age or my status in life and that I'm beginning to trust myself to make choices that are right for me with or without a coin to flip.

The coin was tossed and it landed on tails = not now.  This means that in the future I will write a book. It doesn't have to be today or tomorrow, but I will allow space in my life for this to begin to grow as an idea and eventually blossom into a wildflower of my own design. 

Step by Step

In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.  John Muir

The climb is harder some days. I look up at that stretch of trail and shake. Will I make it to the top this time? Are my legs strong enough? What if I trip? What will I find at the top? Am I going the right way?The questions going round and round on repeat only make it more daunting. But just like yesterday and tomorrow, I take it one single footstep at a time. Each swinging of the right leg and then the left brings me closer to the top. When my muscles ache and my doubt rushes in to stop me, I pretend I'm one of those perpetual motion machines. I just keep going (and going and going).

Then, at last, one of those single steps is the one that brings me to the peak. With my head down and my determination resolute, I almost don't see the plateau until I'm standing on top of the world. I can see for miles in every direction. My mind is clear, focused and proud. 

I made it through another challenge.

(And sometimes I go for hikes too...)

Who are You?

Two articles I read in the last week converged in mind and got me thinking about what I do and what that makes me.  I encourage you to read these two posts and ask yourself a few questions about the titles we give ourselves. 

The Minimalists : Life's Most Dangerous Question

Confessions of an Imperfect Life : I am a Writer

The Minimalists urge readers away from defining yourself as what you do while Confessions bravely says that because she writes, she is a writer. If we aren't making a living at what we do, does that mean we can't claim that title? It's brilliant and empowering to say "I am a writer", "I am a dancer", "I am a musician", "I am an artist". If we allow ourselves these labels and say them with pride, our self worth can only go up.

Anything that encourages us to be more compassionate and loving toward ourselves is a good thing. So who are you? What are you passionate about? 

Do No Harm

My New Mantra

White Sage Smudging Ritual

I've never burned Sage in any sort of cleansing ritual before. Today I found two small bundles of White Sage had found their way into my shopping basket at the local natural market. I blame the "Face Melter" shot I had just downed at the juice counter. Cayenne makes one do brave things.  

My apartment is a place of peace for me no matter what is happening in my life or in the world at large. Since returning from my two week trip it's felt "off" though. It doesn't help that I'm sick with something that makes my nose run faster than the leaky faucet in my kitchen. I've wanted to try cleansing with Sage before but didn't know the proper way to go about it.

And I still dont...

After a quick search online for smudging advice I decided to just do what felt right for me. In the end, I think that's probably the most important thing in any meaningful ceremony or ritual.  What works for me may not feel right for you, but it might give you inspiration on how to get started.

Whether or not you believe in the power of such rituals, you can't deny the power of our thoughts and the outward actions that cement those thoughts in our daily lives.  You don't have to burn sage or say anything out loud. You could light a single candle and write down some of the positive things you want to bring into focus.

I'm still stuffed up and foggy headed but the peace has returned and the light smoky scent of White Sage reminds me of the power of my own positive thoughts. 

Do you have any special smudging ritual tips? Any favorite types of Sage? I'm open to advice for next time as I plan on making this a regular practice.

MY SAGE SMUDGING RITUAL

As the sun set, I brought out a candle and a beautiful shell I found on the beach. After setting these simple items on a small stool in front of my window, I lit the candle and touched the sage to the flame. It began to smoke lightly. I carried it through the rooms of my home saying out loud "This is a place of peace and love. No negativity or sickness are allowed here". I made sure to outline each doorway and window before setting the sage back on the shell to smolder out. I was quiet for a few minutes as I watched darkness fall outside. My windows were left slightly open so that all the negative energy would have a way to escape as I'm sure it did in the overwhelming presence of such focused positivity.  

Let Go and Live the Moment

"We think that if we just meditated enough or jogged enough or ate perfect food, everything would be perfect. But from the point of view of someone who is awake, that's death. Seeking security or perfection, rejoicing in feeling confirmed or whole, self-contained and comfortable, is some kind of death. It doesn't have any fresh air. There's no room for something to come in and interrupt all that. We are killing the moment by controlling our experience."

I'm still making my way through When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron (third time). Last night I was struck by this passage about how we suck the life out of our experiences by trying to control them. Take some time to think about this today. What are some of your most precious memories? Did they come from a carefully planned out and controlled approach or were they spontaneous and full of wonder, surprise and magic? 

Have you experienced any magical moments lately? I'd love to hear about it.

Hermit the Blog

The new year began outside my comfort zone. I planned it that way and I'm so glad that I did. You see, I am a Hermit. I love my home. I love the safety of my daily habits. You might call me less than social. I can spend days on my own and feel just fine about it and yet I know that the really enriching times in life don't usually happen solo. I know it, but I rarely make myself do things outside what I consider comfortable and safe for me.

For two weeks I was with family up in the freezing north pole.  Okay okay not the north pole technically...Washington State felt like it had inched up a bit since I lived there. Maybe Canada lost weight? So there I was, cold and out of my element. I spent time in four different homes with four different families (yes Jill I consider you and your kitties a family) and their very different ways of doing things. I did my best to embrace each day and it's various activities and challenges and I found that the days flew by because I was having so much fun! 

I learned a lot about what I'm capable of and what life holds for me when I take a break from my regular Hermatic existence. I had more wonderful conversations that I can count. I ran into old friends and extended family. Relationships were strengthened and wonderful memories were made. If I'd stayed home, I would have been just fine but none of this could have happened if I had. 

So now you know the truth. I'm a Hermit and I'm not ashamed of it! However, I will be making sure to venture out of my shell more often. If I don't, I'll be missing out on special moments like these:

Junie B. and Me

Little Dancers

Just Jill and Just Me Actually
Back together at last!

My talented sister, Leah a.ka. Soft Spiral

Stacy, my wonderful and amazing sister (in law)
and her little Juniper. 

The Window Seat

I had a strange experience on my flight leaving L.A. two weeks ago. I sat looking out as we climbed above the clouds. My usual methods of distraction remained tucked under the seat in front of me as I soaked in the sight of mountains becoming mole-hills and lakes reduced to puddles below.  My heart overflowed with how beautiful and simple it all was way up there.  I had been pondering how to work through some difficult things going on in my world. Things that seemed just too hard, too big for me to figure out and work through.  And I thought to myself, it doesn't have to be so big, so hard.

Perspective is an amazing tool. We can learn to see what is really happening without the shading of the stories we tell ourselves. What is the big picture? What are the facts? If I can reduce situations down to just the bare bones truth, often I learn that my own personal mountains have been minimized as if I've climbed to a safe altitude.

The captain has turned off the seatbelt sign. 

It's now safe to move about the cabin.

Moving The Air Around

and half of learning to play is learning what not to play

                   and she's learning the spaces she leaves have their own things to say

and she's trying to sing just enough so that the air around her moves

and make music like mercy that gives what it is and has nothing to prove

she crawls out on a limb and begins to build her home

and it's enough just to look around and to know that she's not alone

-Ani DiFranco

Last night the wind rattled my window mercilessly.  I fought for sleep even as it whistled through the cracks and into my mind. When I was a child in this little town, the wind would uproot trees in the night. We'd wake to a terrorized landscape of tangled roots and strewn garbage. If I could take a picture of my thoughts, they would surely look the same today. 

But I'm not a little girl anymore. I know that the wind creates space for new growth. The gusts that are the fiercest, the ones that are the hardest to withstand, are the ones that take the old with them when they go leaving only new ground.

What will I plant when this windstorm dies down?

Permission To Fail

Prints by Dutson

One of my New Year's Intentions is to fail more. What? Fail? (gasp...the horrors).  

Yes, I need to fail. So many times I refuse to even try something new because of that fear of failure. What if I royally mess up in front of people I respect? What if I'm not good at it? What if? Well, so far this has meant a life of carefully choosing only those things I am fairly certain I can do well. 

My sister-in law is going back to school. She was nervous, of course. We sat drinking tea discussing the first day of class and for once I realized that I couldn't just give the usual pep talk "You'll be great! I'm sure you'll make lots of friends and get good grades and have a blast!". Isn't this what we do for each other? We don't give room to fail and so many of us don't even begin. I looked her in the eye and just said "There's a good chance you won't finish. We can't rule out the possibility that you could fail at this. But does that mean it's not worth trying?". The truth is that no matter what the outcome, we will all be proud of her and love her.  

The light bulb moment was when I realized I don't offer this permission to myself. 

This year I want to be brave like my sister-in-law. I want to do something that gives me butterflies in  my stomach. I have to know that the more things I try to do, the more failures I'll rack up. I want to be proud of the failures.  They show that I'm living a life unafraid of what others might think of me, and more importantly, what I might think of myself.

Let's all give ourselves permission to fail. We can look at the failures as proof of a life well lived. We can hold them up like trophies and say "Look! I did something I was scared to do!". 

Room For Healing

"Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy."

-Pema Chodron

When Things Fall Apart

Here I am at the start again. Every year a new beginning for the world. We all resolve to do better, be better, make huge changes. This year we will work on ourselves and by next year everything will be so different. We cling to the hope that this year, this year we will find happiness and leave the darkness behind us forever. How many days does it take for it all to fall apart again? Or is it mere hours? 

Last year I found a book that changed the way I approach these thoughts of wanting permanent change. So much energy goes into wanting things to be other than they are and so much suffering comes from the wanting. Slowly the words of Pema Chodron seeped in as I read her book When Things Fall Apart. I read through it twice over the course of 2012 and yesterday I started at the beginning again. New portions are showing more depth to me this time around. The section above resonated with me especially as I look ahead to a year full of .... full of what? I can't know. You can't know. All we can do is make room in our hearts and minds for all of it. The pain, the wonderment, the joy, the failure: it's all coming and we can't control anything but our own reaction, or non-reaction, to it all. 

What if we make room for every day as it comes? What if every day was an opportunity to start fresh?

Can we make every day New Year's Day?

(And yes, I realize I asked why we can't make Christmas Day every day and this does mean we have to combine holidays and make every day Christmas Day and New Year's Day. Two holidays are better than one right?)

Falling Over...and Over and Over

I fell over. It's been happening quite a bit lately. Don't worry I'm not randomly collapsing on the sidewalk or tripping down steps. It's the headstand. Doing a headstand without a wall nearby to keep me from toppling over has been the best way for me to learn how to fall. A lot. Why do I keep doing it? Because once in a while I find my balance, raise both legs over my head and stop. If I hold my breath, I fall. If I let my eyes leave the focus point, I fall. If I get really excited about the fact that I've just achieved an unaided headstand...I fall. Actually, I guess I eventually fall every single time I do it. But that feeling of balance, no matter how brief, is worth the small bumps and bruises.

This evening was one of the more spectacular falls. I'm sure if anyone had been here to see it they would have gotten at least a little amusement out of such a sight.  I slowly got up and stretched a little more while I thought about what influences us to keep searching for that inner balance in life even when our daily lives knock us over at every turn.  Sometimes it can feel desperately impossible to get back up after a particularly nasty spill. But we do it. We can always get up again and keep trying. 

That's life isn't it?

Weird Ways to Cheer Up

I have bad days. I've always had bad days. What? You too? Do you sometimes find yourself in a mid afternoon pit full of bad attitude and negative self talk? You DO?? What do you do to get yourself out of such a rut? I've been known to stay down there for days. Today was headed in that deep dark direction. Who am I kidding, I was sitting down there "hiding in my clothes" as Rob would say (this is when I wear a big hoodie and sweats and keep the hood on even indoors). Poor Rob finally convinced grinchy me to leave with him. He wanted vegan ice cream from our local little shop, Scoops, and by golly he was not going to be talked out of it. Grumbling and complaining the whole way, I was digging for quarters to feed the meter when Rob changed my life with these words "Hey, that's Weird Al". Yes folks, I confess I know most of the words to "Like a Surgeon" and "Yoda". I still quote the Movie "UHF" all the time. In other words, I love Weird Al and I was about to stand in line behind him and order my vegan treat with shaky hands trying not to stare. I wanted so badly to say something like "ohhhh, red snapper...very tasty!" but I'd tortured Rob enough for the day. So I just kept stealing glances until he left. Thank you Weird Al Yankovic for turning this girl's day around yet again. 

I have a few other weird ways to cheer myself up and as long as I'm confessing I might as well share!

~ I hang upside down off the edge of the bed or I warm up with some yoga and do a headstand. Turn that frown upside down, literally.

~ Go to Goodwill and search for the most interesting thing I can buy for under five dollars. Usually I leave with nothing but I've forgotten my troubles during the search.

~ Organize a closet/drawer/file/corner. Cleaning and organizing cheer me up. Don't judge.

~ Listen to an upbeat podcast like The Nerdist or The Ronna and Beverly Show.

~ I text or email a friend I haven't heard from in a few days to see how THEY are doing thereby taking my attention off of myself. 

~ I pin pictures of pretty places. It always gets me dreaming of adventure. 

~ Read inspiring blogs like The Wellness Warrior, The Angry Therapist, Mindful or Brooklyn to Mars.

Honestly, sometimes none of these things or anything else works and then I just try to have compassion for myself where I'm at until I can find my way out again. The worst thing I can do is berate myself for not being able to shake the depression. As my best friend, Jill, would say "It's okay to just feel your feelings". The last time I reached out to her as I often do during a rough patch, she very smartly told me to have good cry, take a bubble bath and make some tea. By the time I finished following her instructions, I felt better. 

What do YOU do to boost your mood?  Please share!  

Don't Sell The Bike - Adjust The Seat

I almost sold my bike. My knees were bothering me and I often felt like the wicked witch of the west on it. Something about the way my body was a little hunched and how hard it was for me to peddle up hill always cued that theme music in my head. You're hearing it now aren't you... 

When Rob was gone the other week, I took his bike out every day to ride and felt so much better on the bigger frame.  We started tossing around the idea of selling my relatively new bike to find one that would be more comfortable for me now that I'm riding multiple times a week. Rob even went as far as asking bike shops what we could get for it and looking for more ideal bikes online.  

For the last few weeks I hadn't been out on my bike. My knees had let me know, not to kindly, that they needed a break. Today we wanted to get out after five days straight of rain so we got the bikes down and Rob had a brilliant idea. What if we raised my seat? Ya. Like magic I rode up those hills without pain and not once did I hear the wicked witch of the west theme music. Ten miles of bliss.

So it made me think. How many times do we give up on things we're going through? How often do we give up on people or projects or bikes because we keep approaching the situations the same way time after time? What if all we have to do is adjust the seat?

One small adjustment could change everything. 

It's worth a try before you sell the bike (or end the relationship,  quit the job, toss out that creative project,  hang up the phone,  give up on yourself...you get the idea).

Thought Wrangling

No animals were harmed in the creation of this post.

Put those spurs on and get in that saddle. Those thoughts won't wrangle themselves! They'll keep running wild and crazy in the pastures of your mind unless you take control and show them who's boss. Do you let your thoughts chase you around until you collapse in fear and exhaustion? Bruised and battered, do you wonder if the Rodeo will ever be over?  Well guess what? YOU are the boss of those bullying thoughts. So grab your rope and get to lassoing! 

Need inspiration? Okay I'll see what I can rustle up...

Mindful

Mind Body Green

Tiny Buddha

Zen Habits

Audio Dharma

(clearly my time in Texas put me in touch with my inner cowgirl)

Re-Run as Reality Check

Bill Murray is waking up in the same day, Groundhog Day, again and again and again on my hotel room flat screen. I've seen this movie more than enough, but for the first time I see the hidden message. Life is going to try to teach us the same lesson until we learn, grown and move on. Poor Bill does what most of us do when dealt a bad hand. First he's angry and grumpy and mean to everyone around him. He wants out and that's all he can focus on. Eventually he gets bored and starts messing with people. After a while he stops getting any satisfaction from that and decides he can make the beautiful Andi Macdowell fall in love with him. He takes the time to find out all he can about her until he makes himself her ideal match. This too doesn't work as he wants it to and he still keeps waking up at six a.m. on the same day. He goes through a self destructive phase, finding ways to hurt or kill himself hoping that this will stop the insanity. It doesn't. At a certain point he starts working on himself and trying to better that day for the people around him. He takes time to get to know people just to help them, not to use the information for his own good. He catches falling children, changes old ladies flat tires and administers CPR to an old homeless man. 

If I were to apply this to my own life, what I would take away is that until I stop seeing the world as either for or against me, until I can focus on how my actions are connected to the universe as a whole, until I see that what truly matters is learning and growing in a way that inspires others to do the same...I'll just be waking up in the same day every morning regardless of what my calendar says. 

What is your biggest struggle right now? Do you wake up every day feeling like you did yesterday and you don't like it? Unless you start to make some sort of small changes toward the life you want to have, you'll repeat this day again tomorrow. Today is a good day to figure out what that very first teeny tiny step could be, that one small change that will shake your life out of the re-run cycle. 

Bill finds love with his girl in the end, but more importantly he finds love for himself.