actually...i do

sprout

a little random thought/realization/epiphany came over me yesterday.  i spend quite a bit of time feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. i want to experience so many things. i want to see the world. i want to live in the country and have a garden. i want to live in the city and be part of the crazed madness that is New York or L.A. or Paris. i want to sing. i want to dance. i want to hike until my legs won't take another step. i want to relax on a tropical island and read for days in the sun. i want to be a gypsy. i want to wear high heels and makeup.i want to go without makeup for months. i want to learn. i want to forget....

overwhelmed.

yesterday i was pondering my life so far after spending some time on the phone with my best friend wishing her a happy birthday. my thoughts were tracing the lines of her life and mine. what we've done and where we've been. suddenly i realized that i am actually living the life i want just not all at once. i'm living it the way life is supposed to be lived. i can't be everything all at once. i can't see the whole world in one trip. i can't live in multiple cities simultaneously. until yesterday that thought has sent me into a spiral of madness that ends typically with my head in my hands as i slowly give up in the frustration.

but here i am. almost 33 years into my life and i can start to look behind me as well as in front of me. i havn't seen the whole world but i'm slowly seeing pieces of it. i've lived in a small town and had something close to a garden. i now live in a crazy big city, maybe the biggest and most surely one of the craziest. it's not New York or Paris but i love Los Angeles and i still can't figure out why. i've been a singer and i have the the album to prove it. i've danced and i have the bad joints to prove it. i've been on so many hikes i'm losing track and planning more. i've worn heels and makeup and dressed fancy almost every day for months in a row.  at the moment i put makeup on maybe once a week. i'm always learning.

and i'm slowly realizing i don't want to forget.

R

estranged memories

memories are strange creatures. what i recall as beautiful and shimmering with near perfection, another player in the moment might see as dull and common. they may not remember at all. i wonder what makes us remember, and why we shade memories the way we do. i have three siblings to remind me of things i've forgotten and vice versa. our shared memories often tell quite different versions of the same snapshot in time. i wonder why. why one afternoon in 1989 jumps out of my mind as if it happened yesterday, but i can't remember most of my high school experience. are my memories true i wonder. are lies told in the small spaces of my mind that i know only as truth... can we trust our own memories? 

just bumping around in my mind today. 

IT

i've been tagged by my lovely friend in this game of gettoknowyourfellowbloggersbetter and since i love Jill i don't mind giving it a whirl....try not to get dizzy.

Here are the rules:

1. Post these rules.

2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random things.

3. Answer the questions set for you in the original post.

i'm the one with the pig tails trying to pretend nothing is wrong

ELEVEN : ELEVEN

i find myself counting my steps more often than i'd like to admit

sometimes i believe that real magic exists...

once in a while i sing really loud in my car to make sure i still can

i love puzzles but only if they aren't too difficult... nothing worse than failing at what you do for fun

some people change careers, i change personalities

i believe in purgatory but not heaven or hell

naming things is one of my favorite things to do...pets, bands, books, businesses, plants

i've lost count of my insane journal collection. i love empty journals!

how about the fact that i only wear black underwear?

and then there was that time i was a singer in a bar

oh and also i have what i've come to call "musical A.D.D."

THE QUESTIONNAIRE

1.What is your favorite day of the week?

honestly i don't usually know what day it is. i think tuesday because it's the slowest retail day which means i get tons of things done without a lot of people in my way! 

2.If you could pick an actress to play you in a movie of your life who would it be?

i think i'd like maggie gyllenhaal 

3.What did you want to be when you were a child? 

understood

4. What is your favorite book and why?

i love so many books. they become my friends, my family. how do i choose? i'll name one of my favorites: To Kill a Mockingbird. is that typical? i can't help it. i love it. i love the language, the flow, the character development, the deep levels of meaning i've picked up on as i've grown and started to understand more about the world. i also think about how this is the only novel Harper Lee published. most people think they have to keep pumping out novels (coughjodipicoultcoughcough) after they gain popularity but there's something to be said about one perfect story. 

6.Would you rather have your flight delayed or lose your luggage?

lost luggage..i hate airports for so many reasons. get in and get out. i'll buy new shit.

7.What celebrity do you want to meet most?

now that i live in the land where it's normal to see famous people i can't say it's all that thrilling. but, i would love meeting Tori Amos because she's such a creative inspiration. i'd love to meet amazing  women like Anjelica Huston, Judi Dench, Meryl Streep, Cate Blanchett, Stevie Nicks,  Helen Hunt, Jodie Foster, Kate Winslet...you get the theme here right? 

8.What is your favorite tv show?

as a kid: Full House

as a college student: Will and Grace

early 20's: Ally McBeal

late 20's: House

now: whatever i can watch for free on Hulu or Netflix. recently obsessed over The United States of Tara

9.What’s one thing from your bucket list that you want to do next?

go skydiving with Jill! sponsor us!!

10.Who is your hero?

the inventor of the internet. what? you thought i would say something profound here? let's be real.

11.If you had the chance to go back to high school, Would you?

yes. i would go. i would go back and i would study less and play more. i'd dress better and obsess less. i would cut my hair off so i wasn't the smart girl with too long straight hair that everyone was nice to but nobody wanted to hang out with. i would say yes more and i'd ask more questions. basically i'd be the best combination of Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)  and Sloane Peterson (Ferris Bueller's Day Off).

now i don't know who to tag because as far as i know Jill is my only reader here who has their own blog. i'd like to tag Leah and Stephanie and request that they blog their answers on our group blog Our Collective Mind.  pretty please girls??

Danger

"It's a good idea to wear latex gloves when you do your laundry" she preached from an uncomfortably close proximity as she tossed clothes into a washer. I looked up from my iphone in a polite manner I would soon regret. "Yes, you know you can get them in a box of twelve next door at Gelson's" her over lipsticked lips said a little too loudly. I wondered why she still had huge black sunglasses on but soon found out. You see, she had been a "victim of a violent crime" in 2009. Glendale theatre, three "african american men" attacked her with "chemicals to the face".  The story went on as my washers finished and I longingly gazed at the two available dryers sure to be snatched up if I didn't move fast.  She didn't even take a breath in the sordid tale of a tapped phone line (felony don't you know) and how she'd easily figured out that it was a local celebrity that paid these men to attack her and then paid off the Glendale police so that they would close the case. I was frozen, not in fear, but with sheer curiosity at where this tale could go. So I asked, "who was it?"  She barely hesitated, "Queen Latifah!" who apparently has a long history of complaints against her by ex-staff and others who claim to be set up. All of these crimes in her quest to "get the statue".  Red quickly regaled me with her personal resume, the first Pirates of the Carabbean movie where she was the one "flirting with Orlando Bloom" and many other parts in movies and t.v. shows. She was certain that she was up for  a part in a Pirate sequel that Ms. Latifah wanted and based on this fact obviously decided to have her attacked in a public place with chemicals that disfigured Red's face so that she wouldn't get the job and the subsequent Best Supporting Actress award.  I eventually texted for help and made my escape so that I could finish the laundry and go to the zoo. Little did I know I'd have the wildest view in the washing machine isle.

lost books

sometimes i feel like i've read all my favorite books already. this can't be true...can it? sometimes i feel like i'll never get excited about any new music, as if all the good stuff is already been made. this can't be true either. i walked to the goodwill today with my own permission to buy two books. the rules were that i had to buy two just based on gut instinct and i couldn't spend more than six dollars for both. as i scoured the admittedly amazing selection at my local goodwill, my eye kept resting on certain titles and my heart would skip a beat because of how much i loved those particular books. just seeing the spine of a much loved story took me to the time i read whichever it was and i became momentarily transported to that content, magical place that only a book can provide. i saw at least ten books that are all time favorites of mine. for a moment i wished for amnesia so that i could read them again for the first time. i spied a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird and almost propped it up in a more prominent location so that a shopper who hadn't had the magical experience of falling into that story would be able to find it. i had to stop myself from picking out my little friends and placing them all in a little stack with a note from me resting on top.  "please do yourself a favor and read these books!" it might say. or simply "please read". the thing that kept me from doing something of this nature was the knowledge that, much like other things in life, a good book has to be found.  i found my two books and now they wait for me to finish up the two i'm reading. it's reassuring knowing they're here now. i found them. 

random thought: i'm fairly certain that if each hotel room had a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird in the bedside drawer instead of the Bible the world would improve at a much faster pace. 

the manor

     

     She lives in an apartment building with a fancy name: Hepburn Manor. Katherine not Audrey. Although, depending on her mood, she does change which leading lady must be haunting the halls.  Number three-oh-five is on the west side and three flights up.  Thirty-two units, both one bedroom and studio, mean no fewer than thirty-two people reside there and yet she catches barely a glimpse of one or two a week. Usually it's of the same two guys who obviously don't have nine to fives as is the case for her. One of them has hipster facial hair and always does laundry on the same day she tries to. This clearly means they own the same amount of underwear.  The other has a punk attitude with strangely shaven and yet longish hair, no color in his wardrobe, and a certain pained look at having to nod or say hello. She sees very few, but she hears the sounds of their day to day lives. Footsteps one floor up, a door closing after a jangle of keys, late night laughter through the wall. She can smell their soup and burnt popcorn. She hears when they practice guitar or have loud parties. She know's how often the people overhead have sex. But for all that, she feels as though she could be living in a building of silent film ghosts.  

scenes from the road

new socks

old friends

motel advice

instant fire

M.A.S.H.

off on an adventure into the santa monica mountains...just out for a nice hike to get away from the cars and the crowds. only here would that mean we stumble upon the filming location for M.A.S.H. 

time travel